By The Way He's Left Me
by Wispy Silver Butterflies
Summary: A song fic revolving around Miss Havisham who is expressing her devistation of being abandoned on her wedding day. Please Read, you may be suprised...


Hey guys! Been such a long time since i last wrote anything and i am truely sorry for that, just an awful lot has been going on and i sort of lost my way with the dramione i was in the process of writing. However i have written a song fic for the character miss Havisham from Charles Dickens Great Expectations. I am currently studying it at school so that is where the inspiration came from. i know its not everday you see a song fic for this type of character. Anyway the song inspiration was from one of my favourite bands Theory Of A Dead Man - by the way.

just a tip: listen to the song while you read this. you might find it easier to get where i was coming from =]

Enjoy! xx

----

----

----

-----

There it was, staring at me as I turned around in my full length snow white dress from the full length mirror that I was previously adjusting my hair in. A small envelope with my name inscribed in black neat print that swirled off after every letter. The hand I recognized as my dear Compeyson's, the love of my life, my hearts one and only desire, but first and foremost my fiancée. It was indeed love at first sight, as cliché as that might sound; he was my first lover and will forever more be the one that I yearn to spend the rest of my life with. You hear stories about how women have been swept off their feet by handsome men, had their hearts stolen and have gotten everything they have ever wished for... it never occurred to me they were actually telling the truth. I smiled to myself as I picked up the letter and stared at my own name pondering what might be inside; a love poem... or perhaps a declaration of his love?

A note by the door

It was a beautiful summer's day, the sunlight shone through the window and the light bounced off of the metals about the room. The tall, lush fern trees were gently swaying in the breeze and I was the happiest woman in the world. I had chosen the day myself; the 28th of July, my mother's birthday and the day that I would be wed. It was my way of having my mother here with me on the most special day of my life, and that in my mind I was secretly hoping that perhaps she was watching me from above, in the heavens, crying happy tears for me.

Simply explains

Temporarily forgetting the letter I was holding I turned back around and walked over to the mirror, a warm breeze hit my face and I closed my eyes enjoying the moment. I honestly could not foresee anything that could possibly go wrong today...today was going to be purely perfect.

It's all that remains

How very wrong I was, how very terribly wrong...

For what must have been minutes but seemed like hours I could not breathe, my heart suddenly became jammed in my throat and my lungs tightened. I stared breathlessly at the note as salty wet tears slid down my pink flushed cheeks, faster and faster taking my carefully applied make up with it, the world seemed to be crashing down upon me and there was nothing I could do about it. Compeyson, the love of my life, had sent me a letter filled with words that as I re read I seemed to experience a stabbing wound to my chest. His words were nasty and bitter, surely this cannot be from him...the man who swore his love for me would never cease. The words ripped me in two; I suddenly let out a low whimper, releasing some of the air that was being trapped, building up in my lungs. I began to shake violently suddenly finding comfort in the floorboards as I crawled up into a ball and sobbed loudly attempting to get rid of this painful _ache_ that was taking over me. His words began to repeat themselves in my head as I tried to make sense of them, nasty, cruel words that I would never have expected from him, never expected at all...

_Spoilt, ugly, repulsive woman, you make my skin crawl, I never loved you, lied, I lied, all lies, it was all lies! Revolting, weird, unattractive, boring, dirty, stupid woman._

The words hit me hard over and over as I wept into the floor, whimpering his name over and over, begging for this all to end, to wake up from this terrible nightmare I was somehow trapped in, to rid myself of this never ending _ache_ and go back to how things were before I read that evil letter. And as I lay on that wooden floor not knowing what to do anymore, who I was or what to do next, I swore to myself that I would never try to re marry or ever again have a relationship with anyone. I would never let anyone ever get this close to my heart again.

20 years later...

It's no wonder why  
I have not slept in days

Everything is exactly as it was the day that man left me, abandoned me, on my wedding day, on _our_ wedding day. The mirror in the corner by the window had gathered an equal amount of dust as the rest of the objects frozen in time about the room. Cobwebs hung in complicated patterns between various gaps, dirt and filth building up, the large antique grandfathers clock that stood in the opposite corner of the room had had its hands stopped at exactly twenty minutes past nine, the exact time he left me and a constant reminder of what he did to me, what he has _done_ to me.

The dust on the floor  
Piled up from the years  
All those scars and souvenirs

Perhaps I was mistaken to have chosen that particular date for my wedding, perhaps this is God's way of punishing me for something that I have done wrong, perhaps this is my fault...maybe I did this...

Now that you're gone  
It's easy to see

I left everything as it was, I couldn't bare to change a thing, indeed the only thing that had changed was the floor which was now covered with leaves and twigs that had found themselves in through the window that remained open and would remain open forever more. I had insisted that this room was to stay as it was, just in case he might return to me and change his mind, beg for my forgiveness. Just in case...

My hopes and dreams had been smashed, shattered, torn apart and discarded on that day, my supposed wedding day and the day that man _abandoned_ me, left me, took what he wanted and left. However despite all that, despite it all I still want him, and although he is evidently gone, somehow even after all these years, it's as if he's still here...maybe not physically but he is in my head.

But so hard to believe

How humiliated I was to have to send all my guests home and have a servant announce that there would be no wedding. How awful I felt that day, how I threw things around in a mad fit of anger directed at the evil man who had done this to me only for me to stop suddenly and replace every item where it once was as; if it had not been moved at all. It hurt me just to think he had the nerve to _dump_ me via a letter, I thought I at least deserved a goodbye in person; does that really seem like too much to ask? An explanation... the memory stings even now to remember those words...those words and that letter. The letter that ruined my life and the man, who took it away, tore my heart out and crumpled it as if it did not matter.

By the way  
You left without saying  
Goodbye to me  
Now that you're gone away

I looked down at my shoe, yellowed over time, just like the stockings had on my other foot that I had not gotten the time to place the twin shoe on. I looked down at my hands, I rubbed my thumb and for finger together, dusty and dry, a 'dirty woman'. The smell was awful, rotting food was on the table, decaying at its own pace in perfect surroundings. My perfume lingered on my bare chest, the smell ever so faint but still there. My eyes, sore from looking at the same things and remembering, sore from crying over memories that were still so fresh and damaged my sanity a little more each time I re lived them. My favourite memories being him and I_. _Us dancing, us dining, and him making love to me for the very first time. All magical moments, all memories I would keep close to feel safe and secure if only for a moment before it would be replaced with abhorrence and the over whelming desire to hunt him down and tear _his_ heart out.

All I can think about is  
You and me  
You and me

It was not a secret; it was a well known fact that I was an only child with a half brother due to my father's lack of restraint against young, pale skinned girls. Also I was born into a family who had a lot of money, which essentially made me very wealthy. It is true that money cannot make you happy, but as it was it was all that I had. My mother had died and my father took very little interest in my growth. I was tutored at home by a tall, gangly young lady with long brown curly hair, which even at the age of nine I suspected my father was having his way with when I was supposed to be in bed. I say supposed because of the independence that was forced on me from such a young age, I simply enjoyed nothing more than to sneak down to what used to be my mother's library and sit on the crimson and gold coloured carpet (that had cost a small fortune) surrounded by stacks and stacks of books, both old and new while I buried my head in to foreign worlds and the damp, inky smell that I could hide in and forget how much I loathed my own life.

It's not like before  
You left nothing here  
It's all disappeared

A crow cooed outside the window loudly and the trees rustled in the cold, bitter wind. For a moment I considered getting up to shut the window but remained in my chair, the chair that my mother had bought for herself to sit quietly in the evenings and sew pretty patterns onto a blank canvas. I decided against rising from my seating, instead I pursed my lips and let my mind go temporarily blank. Oxygen was being sucked into my nostrils and slowly being pushed back out again, my chest rising and falling ever so slightly as I did so.

I remember the very first time I encountered him, I had been sent away to school to study art, a profession my father agreed I could pursue and he would pay the bills for. It was a late night; I had been in the library most of the day, researching the different types of brush that should be used to create certain effects. Just as it had been when I was younger the library at my institute became my sanctuary and was the first place I learnt how to get to, the place where I could feel loved and closest to my mother. A pile of books clutched close to my chest as I made my way out of the doors, insisting that I would be fine carrying them back to my rooms without assistance. However not a few paces down the corridor I seemed to trip over my own feet which resulted in myself and the books all hitting the floor with several almighty thuds.

It hurts me to see

It was like something out of one of those fairytale books, the type I adored, the type I would imagine my mother reading to me as I nodded off to sleep. He picked me up, picked my books up and escorted me to my rooms. My knight in shining armour, who tended to my scraped hands then engaged in conversation with me about how he was currently studying law. The months after that flew by, classes dragged between the times when I could see him again and be free of the miserable world that I was trapped in. I fell in love with him, I gave my heart to him and my sole purpose on earth was to be with him always. He left the school before me, but promised that we would one day meet again. Indeed we did meet again, but it seems after that period of time of which we were separated, he changed. Turned evil, sold his soul to the devil then came in search of mine.

That we've been a lie

I do not sleep, I cannot sleep, I sit here day after day watching the world go on and pass me by outside my window as I remain in here, in this very room where my life ended, where it came to an abrupt halt. It is the pain of what happened that keeps me here, I am unable to let go and lack the ability to move on. Somehow it seems so much easier to stay here, I have lost the will to carry on, and he took everything from me on my wedding day. And I hate him for it. I hate him for doing this to me, for taking my happiness and my soul, for lying, for cheating, for those poisonous words he wrote to hurt me.

It's sad to say that  
This pain is killing me inside  
But it's time to say  
That this pain is keeping me alive

And indeed they did hurt me, they crushed every inkling of hope and contentment, every feeling of security and satiability and he stabbed them, killed them off, stole them and destroyed every last shred of my life. He took everything from me, that beloved sweetheart bastard. He made me feel like I finally belonged in the world and that if I stayed with him everything would be tolerable, that no harm would come my way and would never have need to worry. Torn between love and hate he has left me somewhere in the middle where I do not even have the will to choose between the two, find a way out of this misery or the desire to repair myself and move on.

Twisting and turning  
It rips through my heart  
It's been tearing me apart

Wherever he is, I hope he is as cold and alone as me, I hope he is suffering and regrets everything he has done. We could have been so happy...we could have had our own family, I could have bore his children and we could have filled this desolate house with love and laughter and warmth. We could have had such a happy life together...

By the way  
You left without saying  
Goodbye to me  
Now that you're gone away  
All I can think about is  
You and me  
You and me

He ruined it, with dark green pebbles for eyes I sit in this chair in my fading silk dress sobbing for something that happened several years ago, something that ruined my life completely and it was his fault. I hope he is happy for his achievements. Because of him

I shall forever remain

Humiliated

Betrayed

Hollow

Alone.

---

----

---

----

Reviews are appreciated, be nice :P Song: theory of a dead man-by the way


End file.
